Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize