"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Alive.
So much puke
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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