It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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