me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
