i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
