To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
