Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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