New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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