Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
