Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize