Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
