fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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