Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
