I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
