Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
