I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
