I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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