new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
