I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
well you can't waste a boner
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
