I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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