I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
