Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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