I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
this is an emotional support booty call
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
