I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize