Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
