Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
