i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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