I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
