i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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