I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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