how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
