He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize