I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
This house was built for laser tag.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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