i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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