come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
