I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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