it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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