I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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