umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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