He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
