it wasn't lemon gatorade
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
