1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
