I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
