Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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