So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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