She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
