I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
