i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
