Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
