you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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