Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i think i just lost a toe
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