I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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