Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
