it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
