Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
