The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
