someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wear drunk well.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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