You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
