can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
