You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
