Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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