I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize