Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
