I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
