i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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