don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
high people should be assigned attendants
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize