The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
