sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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