I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You took a bar mat shot.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
3pm strippers are depressing
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
