i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize