he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
