Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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