he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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