I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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