.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
