ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
