Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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