I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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