Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
