how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
