I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
