dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
