She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
