i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
