its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
