I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
