I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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