Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Randomize
