sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
