Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My pussy is not your playground.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize