yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i've created a new STD.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
